At this moment, I truly am the Queen of the Kingdom of Isolation, utterly alone in my thinking.
There have been many times in my life where I’ve felt like I am the only living soul on this whole wide earth (Universe maybe) who thinks like this. Who notices things others miss. Who remembers the past. Who sees life lessons looming. Who hears things other people seem to miss, though I’m claiming no special talent or perceptiveness.
Maybe I’m too sensitive. Maybe I’m totally crazy. Maybe I’m too “deep” for my own good. Maybe all of these things. All I know is that what seems plain as the nose on your face to me, is nothing of the sort to any other person I know. Even the smart, perceptive ones.
Which is why today, I feel as far removed from everyone else as the Sun is from the Earth. Alone in my awareness of what has not even occurred to anyone else.
The few times I’ve gotten up the nerve to share my thoughts I’ve received looks of complete surprise, been dismissed as a worrier, or been assured of my own lack of knowledge. Which is why I no longer share what I think, hear or see. I’ve been discounted and dismissed too many times.
I think the lesson is awareness is one thing. Sharing is another. I don’t think people really want (even if they ask) for advice. I think they want agreement and support for what they’ve already decided.
So I watch from the sidelines with my fingers crossed and my mouth clamped shut. I pray for the desired outcome, trusting that God in His Heaven is in control and knows what He is doing. In the meantime, I muster the proper level of enthusiasm, offer congratulations and ask all the “right” questions.
And cross my fingers, hoping against hope that I’m wrong, crazy, or simply a worry wort.