I’ve been tempted to update my hairstyle for a few months now. Love the length and the short, spiked, no maintenance part. It’s just… I find myself wanting to add a bit of the unexpected. Shake things up. Try something new, edgy, different.
With a lifelong love of purple, I did a double take when I first saw Kelly Osbourne’s lilac ‘do. Then I started seeing unexpected, but pretty, bits of color on other heads. Pink. Turquoise. There were magazine ads and Pinterest boards too, where the colors look glamorous and beautiful.
The little voice in my head, who urges me to take chances is loving the idea.
I’m not talking the whole head, a la Kelly, mind you. Just the “money spots” as a stylist calls them. This is the closest picture I could find to what I mean, though my own style would be much shorter. And it might not be forever.
It just feels right now. Fits perfectly my state of mind.
“Go for it,” urges the daring bit of me
that remains, barely heard but insistent.
“Mid life crisis,” shouts the part that still seems to care
more about what other people think
than what I think. Ouch.
For a while that voice was winning out, shutting down the fun, frivolous urge. But then I was struck by a question — when does the time come in my life when I’m not worried about what others think? When do I start living for me, doing what I think is best? Have I not reached the age where my dues have been paid and my opinion should be given the same weight as anothers? Why am I not living to please myself and the people who truly matter in my life?
I don’t have an answer, except habit. Doing because you’ve always done.
Even as I type that, I know it sounds so lame. If someone said this to me I’d be irritated and tell them to cut it out. None of us knows how much time we have in this life… so live (within reason of course) for yourself when you can. Enjoy the moment and the journey. Stop giving so much weight to other opinions or putting aside what you want because it might raise a few hackles in those who don’t know you well. As my Mom used to tell me, “The people who matter won’t care, and the people who care don’t matter.”
The realization has arrived late, but not too late. The appointment with the new stylist is this week.
It’s like the blinders have been ripped off. Like I’ve been rudely awoken from a good sleep. It seems I’ve spent far too many years taking far too much from too many. That’s got to stop if I have any hope of going on and having a happy life. I have (finally!) come to see that I can give everything to the undeserving, life sucking, self-absorbed people in my life and it will never, ever be enough. Nothing will change. When I’m used up and gone they’ll barely notice, just move on to the next willing enabler.
Love, respect, a useful, honorable, honest life is not to be had that way. I’m just glad I’ve woken up in time.