Anyone who’s ever done it will tell you how hard it is. Some people can’t bring themselves to do it, and I see why.
Every instinct is telling you to hang on, hang on tight; but the better, more rational part of you knows this is selfish and short-sighted. You have to let them go. Whether child, lover or something else, there comes a time when letting go is the best for them, even as it’s the worst thing for you, the one left behind. It is a heartbreak shared by mothers all down the ages; to separate from a child you love with your whole heart and soul, who makes you laugh every day, who gives the best, hardest hugs. Who fills your life with light.
Now you have to send that away with a smile and a few closet organizers. There is no greater torture.
Yet endure it I will, because in the end, I want the best for my beautiful little girl. For her to be happy and fulfilled. To get there I have to steel myself to let her go to where the training is the absolute best she can get. Even though that’s far from me. This is the place that gives her the chance to show her stuff, share her unique gifts, to shine for the rest of the world the way she’s always shone for us. To see where that takes her. She deserves that. I want that for her even as I ache for my own loneliness.
She will bloom in this place, I can see it without even trying. While at home things will go on as before. It won’t be the same without her, we’ll all feel the lack, but how can I allow that to hold her back? That’s not love. Not the kind I want her to have at any rate. Or the kind I want to give as a parent or a person.
So I’ll hone my acting skills, bit the inside of my cheek till it bleeds and keep my focus on her obvious happiness. I’ll just miss her in private. On the inside where no one can see.
Don’t tell, okay?