On a day when love is celebrated, we continue to find same sex marriage in the news, and so I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize to the homosexual couples who have been denied (or are still struggling to obtain) the right to marry in parts of this country. Sorry we are still arguing about this… that it’s taken so long. I’m sure you understand that you’re expecting us to change thousands of years of tradition in a very short time.
That shakes a lot of foundations, raises hackles and causes opposition to dig in hard.
Even so, your right to marry has been affirmed in 37 states and Washington D.C., so I can only hope that you same sex couples will do better than we mixed sex couples have. Maybe you’ll get it right. And then maybe…
“After a time, you may find that having
is not so pleasing a thing after all, as wanting.
It is not logical, but it is often true.”
You see marriage is hard, thoroughly underrated work. It’s a lifetime commitment without clean breaks or fast, easy escapes. It’s sticking it out when it’s no fun, when money’s tight and you’re as mad as mad can be. As my friend’s mom always told us, “marriage is 60/40 half the time”. Yes, you’ll get insurance benefits, healthcare rights, rights to adopt — all well deserved and hard-earned. You’ll also get difficult in-laws and shared holidays, family obligations and more involvement than you might like. You’ll have to do things you don’t want to without attitude. Year after year.
Long time readers of this blog will tell you I didn’t always feel this way. But I’ve seen the handwriting on the wall (so to speak) and am comfortable accepting the inevitable. The most recent Gallup poll in May 2014 has support for same sex marriage at 55% of Americans. Whether influenced by the media, entertainment or just pure exposure, more and more of us are recognizing that love is love; that you can’t “make” someone be attracted to who you think is appropriate; and that so long as you’re happy and not hurting anyone, where’s the harm?
Now only the most stubborn little part of me is annoyed that same sex couples get to use the term “marriage” at all. I would have liked “civil union” or “partnership” or something that gave these couples all the marital rights, but recognized same sex couples are not entering into what we have known and legally recognized throughout recorded history as traditional marriage. For the record, I absolutely love the Freedom to Marry terminology.
But then, I’m a writer. Words are my thing. They matter to me.