Talk about showing you just where you stand in the cosmic scheme of things. I just got hung up on by a telemarketer, and rather abruptly too.
Usually you can’t get those people to stop talking long enough to get a word in. The few times I pick up the call, I end up hanging up as soon as I hear the noise in the background or some heavily accented voice mispronouncing my name. But this time I listened, out of politeness or boredom I’m not sure which, right up until the harsh click that ended the call.
At least I can be proud of wasting her time… she thought she might have someone and then, with one single answer, I was no longer promising. Once she realized there was no money to be made she was out of there without even a thanks or a good-bye.
It’s a dismissal to be sure, and as I’ve mentioned in the past, I don’t do well with those.
Please understand that though I am complaining… venting on the feeling of being made to feel like nothing… in all the ways that count I am a VERY lucky woman, and I take nothing for granted. I am blessed, no doubt. It’s just that when I think back to the plans I had for myself as I entered college (as my girls are doing now), I never, ever thought that at this point my days would be all about
- serving as doorman to three pets, all on different schedules
- looking forward to the arrival of the mail — a highlight of the day
- taking pride in an empty sink, hamper, bathroom trash barrel
- challenging yourself to make 20 minute rice in 15 minutes
- telling time by the arrival of the school bus
- knowing the minutia of other people’s schedules
- a workout that’s sometimes the lone accomplishment of the day
While I’d always hoped to marry and raise a family, I also happen to be a girl who grew up under the feminist movement. I fell for the lie that a woman could have it all — I wanted to believe it was possible. Successful career. Healthy, well-adjusted children. Close, loving marriage. Equality with men. An exciting, fulfilled life.
It wasn’t until after my first daughter was born that I started to realize having it all was a cruel myth… unattainable… a lot like a hamster wheel where you could run and run, but never get anywhere and end up exhausted. For me the move to writing part-time from home was a perfect storm of this realization and the budget-busting expense of having three in childcare.
Turned out I was spending money to work in a job where the man who did it (not as well) made 5K more than I did. Not exactly the wage equality I’d expected. I was lucky to be in a profession (writing) at a time (the internet) when it has been possible to work from home. To eek out a living and get off the hamster wheel.
The pressure on women to be all things to all people is so unfair — it wears you down, leaves you feeling lacking in all respects which is hardly the fulfilled life women of my generation were promised.
On second thought… maybe eating a bit of humble pie more often than I’d like isn’t so bad. A little deflating at times, a hit to the ego, but all in all, so much better for me than the alternative.